#TheSW30 Day 17: What are your spiritual beliefs and how do they impact your relationships/relationship status?

My spiritual beliefs greatly affect my perspective on my relationship status. I am a Christian who happens to be a nurse. I believe in passion and purity. I believe that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. I believe that I should only be yoked with a believer too. I believe that sex is a gift from God that should only be done and enjoyed by married couples. I believe that anyone can change for the better. I believe that I am a sinner, undeserving but saved by my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

I believe in Jesus Christ, the son of God who was conceived by the Holy Spirit 2000 years ago, born of the Virgin Mary, who was crucified, was beaten, bruised and was wounded, who was placed a crown of thorns in His head, who died, was buried and who rose again from the dead after three days, who ascended into heaven and who is seated at the right hand of the Father Almighty. I believe that He will come again to judge the living and the dead.

The one who never sinned and was pure was crucified on the cross for my sins. God, the Heavenly Father is an unfair but just and loving God, because He allowed and let His own son die on the cross for an undeserving person like me to save me from eternal damnation because of my sins (past, present and future). I believe that JESUS is a healer, a teacher, a miracle worker, a disciple maker, a man full of wisdom and honor. He turned water into wine. He resurrected Lazaruz from the dead. He wept. He cast away demons. He calms the raging storm and the sea with His word.

I believe that I am beloved child of God, (fully loved and fully accepted by Someone Amazing ) He loves you too (even at your worst). He knows what being rejected and betrayed felt like. He loves me so much that whatever sin I committed, He has already forgiven (all of my unknown secrets).

Jesus Christ, He can transform lives. He is a friend of tax collectors, sinners and the brokenhearted people. I believe in the Holy Spirit. I believe that angels exist. I believe in everlasting life. I believe in spiritual battles not seen, I believe in the beauty of heaven and the fires of hell. I believe that Jesus laid down His life for His friends. I believe that Jesus is victorious against the enemy. I believe that the thief (the enemy) came to steal, kill and destroy; but Jesus came that we may have life and have it to the full (John 10:10).

But when I think about our salvation, God did not send His Son because we kept asking Him to forgive us. While we were still enemies of God – He gave His Son for us entirely and absolutely out of His initiative (Romans 5:8-10).

I pray for all of my friendships and relationships. I pray for Godly friends who will guide me, encourage me and rebuke me with love in this walk and journey.

I believe that anyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved. (Acts 2:21)

#TheSW30 Day 15: Narrate a conversation between you and someone in your life who you never had closure with. What would you say? What would they say? What outcome would you hope for?

This is a little difficult, but I will try. I have friends I have in mind, that I have not had any closure with.

Friend A:

Dear Mr. Board Exam Topnotcher,

I miss you my friend. I loved you, this is true. I apologize for the hurtful words that I said. I was sick. I wish you know that you mean a lot to me.. I wish we are still friends. I really got hurt when you blocked me in facebook and you threw years of our friendship away. I hope we can start anew and be friends again. Although there is no us and there never was, I forgive you for the hurtful words you said to me. I pray for your success and happiness. God bless!

Mr. Board Exam Topnotcher: Yes, Jaea. I forgive you. Let’s put the past behind and start anew. Let’s be friends. I pray for your success and happiness as well. God bless you.

Friend B:

Dear Miss Elementary Valedictorian,

I miss you my friend. I got hurt when you unfriended me in facebook, when all I just wanted is for you to exercise with me and run the marathon with me. I know it’s difficult because at that time we are both chubby, but I hope you understand that I just care for you. I don’t want you to be obese. It saddened me when you threw our friendship away. I apologize if I offended you, but all I wanted is for you to get better physically. I wish I can celebrate our birthday together, since we both have the same birthday. I still love you. Friends?

Miss Elementary Valedictorian: Yes Jaea. I miss you too. I forgive you. Let’s be friends again and let’s celebrate our birthday some time together. I will love myself from now on by taking care of my body and I will exercise. Let’s be friends again. Hug!

Friend C:

Dear Mr. Summa Cum Laude,

Doc, I’m really thankful that I met you. I’m thankful for the days and nights that I spent with you at duty. You inspired me to do my best and to move on from your friend. I told you what hurt me before and you just did it too. Hahaha! (Ano ba?! Haha) I got hurt when you blocked me in facebook, when all I wanted was to be friends with you. I don’t know why you blocked me, but I’m trying to understand. I pray you finish your residency. I pray that you may reach all your dreams in life. Til we meet again. When I see you again in the hospital, please don’t ignore me. I will call your name and I will say Hi! God bless on your duty.

Mr. Summa Cum Laude: Hello Ma’am Jaea! I am just busy with my residency and I am so focused that I don’t want distractions, that’s why I blocked you. I don’t know what to do with you. Hahaha! When we see each other again, I will not ignore you and I will say Hi Ma’am Jea! God bless!

Friend D:

Dear Miss Future MD,

I miss you my friend. Please know that I love you, even though we don’t have the same principles and beliefs in life. I hope you get to know JESUS someday. I got hurt when you told me that you are an agnostic. I pray that God will meet you where you are now. I got hurt when you unfriended me in facebook. I pray that you may reach all your dreams in life. I pray for your happiness and success. I don’t want you to keep thinking about negativity. I wish to see your genuine smile and your beautiful face. You are a child of God, a beautiful creation of God, I hope you know that. If I reach out to you someday soon, I pray you’ll not reject me. But if you will reject me, I will keep trying. I wish you know how beautiful your name is. May you have joy in your heart by knowing Christ and by accepting Him as your Lord and savior. Til we meet again, my friend.

Miss Future MD: Hi Jaea! I miss you. I will study well for my family and my future. Thank you for the friendship and the prayers. Til we meet again.

But then again, people may plan all kinds of things but the Lord’s will is going to be done.

#TheSW30 Day 14: Describe the last moment you felt really, truly blissful

It has been a while since my last entry. The last moment I felt really truly blissful was when I went home to Bicol to be with my father on his birthday last February 6, 2020.

We went to Auntie Nene’s (My father’s only sister) and Uncle Jess Osea’s (auntie Nene’s husband) beach resort at Nato, Camarines Sur. It was fun!

It has been years since the last time that I have been to a beach with my Papa Tito. I learned from going there that my papa’s favorite snack is sinapot (fried floured saba banana). I enjoyed that time, my papa, auntie Nene and uncle Jess cooked our food for lunch. The food was delicious! The fish were taken fresh from the pond.

Laing, Fried Tilapia, Sinigang and etc
Sinapot, Papa’s favorite snack

However, I was the only one who swam at the beach. I love beaches! I love walking in the sand barefoot. It has been a while since I really had a relaxing time because it has always been a toxic time at work back in the hospital.

One of the things that made me happy when I went to Bicol was when I learned that my papa still kept my medals back in High School. I was the Valedictorian back then in 2007. All praise belongs to God. I was touched. 😊

However, I still feel like it would be much more better if Paolo and Kim was with me too. I’m sure papa misses the both of them as well. Til next time!

#TheSW30 Day 13: Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship

Day-13

Hi! I am on day 13 already of the single woman’s 30 day blogging challenge: Describe how you met the last person you texted and talk about your friendship/relationship.

The last person that I texted is Iya. She is a daughter, a friend, a neonatal intensive care unit nurse as well, an enthusiast, a courageous and a spontaneous person, Iya, born on December 24, 1989. I met her when I applied as a staff nurse in Manila Med last June 2017. I was hired at Manila Med as a General Nursing Unit Staff Nurse last June 21, 2017 up to August 2017. We both belong to Athena batch 22 training of the hospital together with Mer, Lyza, Claud, Jeff, Carmi, April and Nica. Iya and I did not last long in Manila Med, same with Lyza, Mer, Jeff and April. They took an absence with out leave but I resigned.

Last 2017, we were subdivided into three areas during the first two months of duty. Nica and I were assigned to 7th extension. On the other hand, Iya, Mer and Carmi were assigned at 7th main, while Jeff and Lyza were assigned at 8th main; Then, April and Claud was assigned at 9th Extension, Claud later on became a charge nurse at 9th extension, where I was reassigned after two months of being in the 7th extension after facing an issue at work of being sleepy and unable to completely follow through orders and have had a misunderstanding with a coworker.

Iya and Mer transferred to Pasig Doctors Hospital after leaving Manila Med. However, I went home to Calapan and applied at Children’s Medical Hospital and worked for a week only as a pediatric nurse last September of 2017, which then was the time when I was waiting to be accepted at Philippine General Hospital (PGH) as a nurse. Iya told me to work with them at Pasig Doctors Hospital last year. However, I refused because I was waiting for PGH. After some time, I was accepted at PGH as a neonatal intensive care unit nurse and worked at the institution for only three months because I had an issue again at work. I was advised by my chief nurse to take a break for a while and present a medical certificate that I am fit to work. Until now, I have not given the medical certificate yet, because my doctor told me to just transfer to another hospital.

I reunited again with Iya after I left PGH and during the time that I started my review for IELTS. She will be taking up IELTS as well with Mer this July 2018. I am planning to take the IELTS too with them. I have been reviewing with Iya and she is a nice friend.

One day, Iya asked me to review with her at Coffee Bean, Robinson’s Magnolia 1PM. So, one special Sunday, it was Mother’s day dated 13 of May. I greeted my mom and prepared to go to a Sunday service, wore a blue dress and a J-Hope Socks with my special hiking pink Clort shoes which I used when I went to Mount Ulap, together with my pink back pack. So, on that day I went to Coffee bean after the Sunday service at Victory U-belt. I walked from church to Legarda station, near San Beda College Mendiola, the school where I attended Medicine last 2014. I rode the LRT and stopped at Gilmore station, which is a few steps away from Robinson’s Magnolia.

When I arrived at the place, I opened the door and I was startled to see an old friend who blocked me in facebook, wearing a white shirt and an eyeglasses. He did not change.. he is still good looking. haha. But I turned around immediately and went to the door. When I was about to hold the glass door, I heard him call my name “Jaea”, but I did not look back, because I might be wrong.. (guni guni ko lang siguro) and it is embarassing to look back. What would I tell him? I don’t know what to say so, I walked away. And so, I left coffee bean and went instead to the comfort room, I processed my thoughts because I was still in a state of shock. However, I remembered Iya.. that we are supposed to have our review at the said place. I conquered my fear and went back. I stayed outside the coffee bean while waiting for Iya. I sat down, turned on my portable mini black fan and read few pages from my academic book about grammar. Then, thank heavens, Iya came. I told her about the guy in a white shirt sitting on a table facing the glass wall of coffee bean. Iya and I went inside and chose the table on the right most part at the back part, beside the mirror facing the back of the guy in white shirt, the most distant table from where the guy was sitting. We took our ordered beverages and started reviewing for IELTS.

After some time, Iya told me that the guy changed his sitting position and faced us. I was surprised. He was studying I think and infront of him was his lap top. After reviewing, Iya and I needed to leave the coffeebean because we need to be somewhere else. I asked Iya if I should say goodbye or hello because we will walk past him once we leave. She told me not to call his attention because if he was interested in me, he would approach us, but he did not. So, I did not bid farewell to him when we left.

I thank God for Iya’s life because if she was not around, I would not know what to do, since I am in the process of moving on with the guy. It’s been so long already, in fact I have not been thinking about him for a while because I was busy at work and reviewing for IELTS. However, our paths crossed again.

Moreover, I went with Iya at Benefit and Mac Cosmetics. I accompanied her while she bought an eye definer for the “kilay”, I don’t really know the exact name. I will ask her. And she also bought a makeup for contour. Then, we watched the first song of Hajji Alejandro’s mall show special for mother’s day entitled “May minamahal”, then we went to Dashing Diva and had a pedicure. She chose the light pink color and I chose the black nail polish.

In the next succeeding days after that Sunday, I am meeting up with Iya and Mer, reviewing for IELTS, either at Coffeebean, Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts. We also went to a gym at Pine Crest and exercised. We ate chiken inasal together with Mer at J.T’s in the middle of the night after reviewing. Then, we also ate at Pao Tsin, Robinsons’ Magnolia’s food court. Also, Iya, Mer and I had watched already a movie, a horror film about Jigsaw, last 2017 at Robinsons Magnolia too while eating pop corn. Other than that, Iya accompanied me in buying cosmetics of L’oreal Paris. She told me also to watch make up tutorials in youtube for personal development and for me to look prettier. I learned so many things from her, from makeup and enjoying and being spontaneous in life.

We will be having a sleep over at my unit this Wednesday night with Mer to review for IELTS. Thank you for Iya’s life. I found a friend.

#TheSW30 Day 12: Your proudest accomplishment

Day-12Hi! I am on day 12 already of the single woman’s 30 day blogging challenge: Your proudest accomplishment.

I am 27 years old by now and my proudest accomplishment was when I graduated Valedictorian in High School and Cum Laude in the Bachelor of Science of Nursing.

I have been accepted as well in the Master of Hospital Administration (MHA) program of the University of the Philippines Manila. But I was not able to finish my degree and I just had 34 units from the said program, because I failed Epidemiology and got a grade of 5.00. I was devastated but I know UP teaches their students as well on how to be resilient, though some times they might fail their students too. I have been blessed to have attended the MHA program of the university. I am blessed with the colleagues and the professors that I have met.

For God’s glory, I won’t back down. I know I have a wonderful future ahead of me because I have a great God. I am a depression fighter. Carry on Jaea! 🙂

#TheSW30 Day 11: Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date

Day-11

Hi! I am on day 11 already of the single woman’s 30 day blogging challenge: Your worst/funniest/most embarrassing date.

Well, I have been in to a lot of dates already, with my ex boyfriends and some of my friends; but my worst date was when I had to go to the movies with my ex boyfriend to watch a film which I have forgotten already. I was asleep the entire movie for I was so tired from duty and since my fourth ex boyfriend was a nursing student as well that time, we had difficulty blending in our schedule because he belongs in the other section. He also has duties as well in the hospital. Finding time is one of the most difficult part of being in a relationship especially when the both of you are busy with school requirements and family engagements. We were legal by the way, both of our families know that my fourth ex and I are in a relationship.

So, to compensate with the relationship that my ex and I had, most of our quality time spent together was at their house. His father would cook our food or his grandmother would buy food from the outside so we can eat while studying for the upcoming exams. We study exclusively together at their house. I helped him pass most of the exams by teaching him pharmacology and microbiology. We were on our third year that time.

Nonetheless, my funniest date was when I was invited by a friend to attend a valentine date at a church where I have been involved for three years as part of the music ministry from 2011 to 2013. That was the time when my fourth ex boyfriend broke up with me, year 2011. I was depressed during the college week and I was a fourth year graduating nursing student that time, filled with loads of requirements that needs to be passed. But I still went to the valentine date entitled “Keep Falling In Love”. My valentine date that time was a lot younger than me because there was a draw-lots of hearts and my other pair of heart was with a young boy named Matt. I really enjoyed that night. I found new friends, Christian friends.

I realized that when we give our heart’s broken pieces to the LORD, He is faithful to mend it all again. He will give us a new heart and a renewed right spirit within. Jesus can love us more than we could ever imagine. He knows how being rejected felt like and He knows what is inside of our hearts and minds even if we have not articulated them yet. He knows the past, the present and the future.

#TheSW30 Day 10: Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you

Day-10

Hi! I am on day 10 already of the single woman’s 30 day blogging challenge: Google the meaning of your name and talk about how it fits or doesn’t fit you.

My name is Ma. Jaenara Manaog Bitao, and my nickname is Jaea.

As per google my name Ma. or Maria from baby name wizard is a Latin form of Mary, which is derived from the Hebrew Miryām, a name of debated meaning. Many believe it to mean “sea of bitterness” or “sea of sorrow.” However, some sources cite the alternative definitions of “rebellion,” “wished-for child,” and “mistress or lady of the sea.” The name is borne in the Bible by the mother of Jesus, the son of God.

I guess it is quite true that I am a lady of the sea. I love the sea. Haha!

However, I could not disagree that I do wish to become a mom someday. I am not getting any younger now and I hope that in God’s time, it will be provided, when I am ready and when the right man for me finds me. I am quite bitter too, but I surrender all my heartaches to God.

Let’s do an etymological cut of my name to Jae – nara.

I am so glad after I saw this at eBabyNames.com:

Jae means victory, healer, supplanter, Jay bird and respect.

Then the nara name:

My mom told me that she got my name Nara inspired from the Narra Tree (Pterocarpus indicus), the Philippines’ national tree, which symbolizes strength. She said that she wanted me to be strong in handling challenges in life.

Next is my nick name, Jaea.

Jaea means victory in Hindu.

Jea (another version of Jaea) means “Hope” from Guyana, African origin and from Hebrew origin as well which means “Beautiful“.

I thank God because He is my creator. He created me beautifully. 😍 I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

I am inspired by what I learned about the meaning of my names. Yes. I really do want to become successful someday. I claim victory, success and triumph in my endeavors. I hope that I would be able to do them for my self improvement and progress and not just for myself and family alone, but to glorify God.

If you want to join the challenge. Visit this link: #The SW30 The Single Woman 30 day blogging challenge

#TheSW30 Day 9: Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior”

day-9-300x300Hi! I am on day 9 already of the single woman’s 30 day blogging challenge: Your favorite “weird/funny single behavior” – Anything you do that is uniquely YOU and that living alone allows you to do (For example, I sometimes dance around the house with my cat to Frank Sinatra).

Just for you not to be shocked, I am a weirdo. I sometimes feel like an alien in this world. I feel like I am a separate entity that needs to be somewhere else that still I do not know yet. Some of my friends tell me that I have a strange behavior which is different from anything natural or ordinary.

I tend to smile sometimes for no reason and I tend to laugh alone (not the loud laugh, just the giggle). I do not know why, maybe because I have a delayed reaction to a certain thing that happened in the past beyond my control. Is this bad? I tend to have flashbacks in my mind and when that happens, I remember the feeling of being in that situation and I feel like daydreaming, then my mind spaces out from reality and I start giggling or smiling. Some of my family members would ask me why did I smile or why did I giggle for no valid reason. I tell them, I have thought of something and the idea stayed in my mind. But, I do not share to them what I have thought of because I am not comfortable sharing my thoughts immediately. I need to process my thoughts. That is why, they tell me “hindi maganda na ngumingiti o tumatawa ng walang dahilan”. The truth is, I have a reason why I smiled and laughed. However, I just do not want to share at once why I did those things. For that reason, having a face mask helps me cover my lips, in times I have sudden bursts of giggles or smiles.

If you see me smiling or giggling.. just call my attention, because my mind might be spacing out and traveling to somewhere else in my imagination. I am not a crazy person just proud to say that I am insane. lol.

#TheSW30 Day 8: Five things that are most important to you in a future mate

Day-8

Hi! I am on day 8 already of the single woman’s 30 day blogging challenge: Five things that are most important to you in a future mate.

This is a challenging question. I myself is having difficulty in this matter. The five things that are most important to me in a future mate are:

  1. We both should have the same God. I hope that he is a Christian.
  2. Respect and good relationship with his mother. This is vital since I want to be treated with respect. I also hope that he has a good relationship with his mother. It is because, he might treat me just like how he treats his mother in the long run. I do not want to be pushed over. I want to be respected and I will give that to him as well, with all my heart.
  3. Responsible Leader with a stable career. I hope that he will be a provider to our future children.
  4. Loyalty. I know that couples also have bad nights and when that time comes, I hope that he would be loyal to me, whether we face a petty or a big fight. I hope that he knows how to handle situations like this. I hope that he knows how to handle conflict.
  5. He will support me in my pursuits or goals in life. I hope that my future mate will support me in the things that interests me and I hope that he would accept me. I hope that he knows how to take care of his mental health.

Additional plus points if he is fun to be with or if he has a good sense of humor. Also, it would be an edge if he is musically inclined, because I am a music lover. I sing whenever I am stressed, it helps me to be relieved. Another thing is, I hope he knows how to swim, because I am a swimmer, I love to swim. Most importantly, I hope that he will make time for me despite his busy schedule and I hope that he knows how to communicate with my love language.