#TheSW30 Day 28: Describe a moment when you made a big, bold move. In any area of life: Career, Love, etc.

Iโ€™m on day 28 already of the single womanโ€™s 30 day blogging challenge: Describe a moment when you made a big, bold move. In any area of life: Career, Love, etc.

When we talk about bold, it means courageous, confident, and fearless; ready to take risks.

At present, a big, bold move that I have done in my career is when I have worked at the same time started studying for my Masters of Science in Nursing using my own earned money, without asking for my tuition from my parents. For me, it is already a sign that I am becoming independent as a young adult professional. Since I am so dependent with my parents especially my mom, with that action, I am taking few small steps of independence. Thus, I am proud of myself by being able to pay my bills and by even living on my own too without any house helper.

As an introvert, a bold move that I have done in regards to love is when I’ve confessed my feelings or love to someone. I think that is one courageous move. Although, you have to face the consequences of the action, because what happened to me might happen to you as well. First, he may get shocked and totally cut off ties with you or even block you in social media. Second, he may tell you that he treats you like his sister. Third, he may ignore you because he’s scared to reject your feelings.

In the end, I’m just thankful that I did it courageously even if it is just online. Hehe.

Don’t worry. At least you have shared what you feel. Did you know? I’ve heard from someone that girls who don’t get to confess have a harder time moving on than those who did? Pero depende pa rin siguro sa personality.. Kasi there are those people like me, who have a hard time forgetting my mistakes done. That is why thankfulness and being grateful regardless of the circumstances around is a must. Worshipping God also helps. It turns my mind to focus on the goodness of God despite of and in spite of such things and not to my own self.

Although, I know it’s still painful because you did not get what you wanted. But, trust in the Lord that He always has His best interest for you. We don’t really know what the future holds, but we can rest reassuringly that God loves us as His beloved. You are loved more than you know. You are worthy and fearfully and wonderfully made.

Anyway, I feel like I am capable of making more fearless moves. One at a time, I am facing my fears. I’m grateful to God for making me feel the fears and even overcoming them at the same time. (*kaba is real. Haha!) Actually the mere fact that I am sharing my feelings to you here, while writing down my thoughts is already a bold move for me. So kudos self. ๐Ÿ˜‰ You are getting better and better everyday.

Shalom.

Lord, thank you that you promise to deliver me from all my fears. Thank you that your angel sets up a circle of protection around me as I pray. Lord, I thank, praise and worship you today.

#TheSW30 Day 27: Talk about something that you really, really, really love about yourself.

Today is the 27th of the single woman’s 30 day blogging challenge and I am tasked to talk about something I really, really, really love about myself.

So, what do I love about myself?

First, I love my teeth and my smile. This teeth that I have is precious. When I was young my teeth were unaligned, but I wore braces after I graduated college. I wore my orthodontic braces for 8 years. Although I already lack one second molar on my right side of my lower teeth, I still feel blessed even if it is lacking and even if it’s not perfect. I had two dentists who fixed my teeth alignment. The first one was Dr. Van Caraan with assistance from Dr. Miriam, and the second was Dr. Ryan Soriano of Radiant Smile Clinic in Calapan, a board top-notcher in Dentistry Board Exam in his time. Before my teeth was aligned, I had a lateral incisor on the left side of my upper teeth that my dentist rotated 180 degrees plus another 90 degrees. I thought it was impossible, but it was rotated. Amazing.

One of the reasons I did not pursue my childhood dream of becoming a news reporter was because of my teeth. It was sungki sungki when I was a child since grade 4, because I was afraid of dentists. I wanted to become a journalist before, but it changed. I pursued Nursing and I have no regrets that I chose it as my course.

One of the things I also like about myself is my spirit of not giving up easily. I was not born genius, in fact I was very sickly when I was young. But, I persevered in school. I studied really hard and I stayed up late at night. I did not study at a prestigious university, but I still feel blessed that I studied where I took my Nursing undergraduate program in Remedios Trinidad Romualdez Memorial Schools – Makati Medical Center at Makati City.

Another thing that I like about myself is my voice. I don’t have a diva like voice. I can’t reach very high notes and even very low notes. Even so, I like my voice. I was once the voice actor of the protagonist in a play that “The Artiste Guild” (TAG) organization produced in MegaMall, when I was still in college. I once also went to ABS-CBN’s Showtime, a person there said that, “try ko daw sa radio”, because of my voice. But, I didn’t tried auditioning. haha.

Thank you God for creating me fearfully and wonderfully.

#TheSW30 Day 25: Describe a moment when you โ€œpaid it forward.โ€ What happened and how did it feel?

This is my 25th entry for the single woman’s 30 day blogging challenge.

First, what does “paid it forward” mean?

Pay it forward is an expression for describing the beneficiary of a good deed repaying the kindness to others instead of to the original benefactor. The concept is old, but the particular phrase may have been coined by Lily Hardy Hammond in her 1916 book “In the Garden of Delight”.

Someone once told me that we cannot give to others if we ourselves are not full. So, I am thankful to God for all the blessings He bestowed on me. God granted me the opportunity to study for college and to be in medical school even for two years only. I was also given the opportunity to be in graduate school at UP Manila for the MHA program, even when I haven’t finished it because I failed one subject just before I take my comprehensive exam. Even then, I was well provided for my education. Thanks to my mama and tatay/ Dr. RJ, who treated me as one of his children even when I am not his own child.

Another blessing that was given to me was the bike I am using since the start of the Enhanced Community Quarantine (ECQ) as a donation from Sir Joel Paler. There came a time when vehicles for transport like jeepneys, taxis and buses even tricycles were banned to operate during the ECQ due to the Covid-19 or the Corona Virus Disease Pandemic.

The ECQ started from March 17, 2020 until May 31, 2020. During those period, in order to limit the spread of coronavirus disease 2019 (COVID-19) in the Philippines, lockdowns, officially characterized as “community quarantines” by the government, of varying strictness were imposed in numerous parts of the country. The “enhanced community quarantine” (ECQ) is the strictest of such measures. The largest of these measures was the enhanced community quarantine in Luzon, most specifically in NCR.

Last May 18, 2020, I found a page in Facebook where they collect bikes for donation for frontliners. In that page, I saw Sir Joel Paler placed a comment that he is willing to donate his bike and that he is living near Dapitan corner San Diego street. Thank God that he is living just a few streets away from where I currently live in Carola Street beside UST Manila. So, I messaged him and asked if he is willing to lend me his bike, but to my surprise he gave the bike to me with inclusions of helmet and chain lock. I am grateful because there were no jeepneys and even taxis during that time. I praise God for his provision. Sir Joel is a nice person. Instead of letting me buy his bike, he encouraged me to share to others so they will do the same. I feel blessed on that day.

Bike given to me by Sir Joc Paler last May 18, 2020 #ECQ

So, how will I be able to repay his kindness to me?

I don’t know how I could do that but I was given the opportunity to give at a certain cause. However, I will not mention to where I gave the money that I had, but it let me feel that I have the ability to be kind to others. I feel delighted and blessed that I was given that chance. Thank you God for the opportunity.

#TheSW30 Day 24: If you could relieve ONE day of your life, what would it be? And would you change anything?

If I could relieve one day in my life, that would be the day I decided and confessed that JESUS CHRIST is my LORD and Savior. My journal helped me remember. It was September 17, 2006 at Iriga City Presbyterian Church.

I grew up in a Catholic religion. I studied in Catholic schools when I was a child. I was very good in religion class. I even got an award for having a high grade in religion class “Martin de Porres” when I was studying in Letran. I memorized all the new testament books. But then, I still don’t fully understand.

When I was in highschool, I had a crush whom I met in a Boy Scout and Girl Scout event in Iriga City, where selected boy scouts and girl scouts from all over the city will replace the Iriga City Government officials for a week as youth officials. I met Emmanuel Jason. He is a Born Again Christian. He is one year older than me. I was invited by his brother Jonathan to attend a Sunday worship service at their church. It was my first time to attend a Sunday worship service. Before the worship started, a woman talked to me, I remembered her name. Her name is Yolanda, Yolly for short. She told me to come with her in a private room, where she told me a story about JESUS. Why men was separated from God, the penalty of sin, and the solution to live life fully, and if I am willing to let Jesus sit in the throne of my heart to make Him my Lord and Savior. Right then and there, I prayed that prayer. Then, I attended the worship, it was my first time. I cried while they were singing the songs and playing the instruments. I never experienced that before. I felt like God was embracing me, that He truly loves me.

Years passed by, I don’t regularly attend their worship service anymore, because my family were not Born Again Christians, and it seems like I have other motives why I go to that church and that’s because of my crush. So, I did not last long. I was not followed up either. Until I entered college as a nursing student in RTRMS – Makati Med.

Even if I was a Catholic, I don’t regularly go to church. But I still think that I am a good person, because I don’t sin like others around me. I was self righteous, which was wrong. When I was in college, I had classmates who attend a certain Christian organization at school named, “Ambassadors of the Lord”. They were always inviting me to join their fellowship, but I just don’t have the time. Even then, I was curious with these Christians, they were calm and composed, and they know how to lead a prayer in front of the class. It’s like they are talking to God without shame, and they call Him “Daddy God” and they always praise God, and they seem joyful. It’s like God is real and alive, even if He’s not visible with the naked eye. There’s something about them that I could not just figure out. There’s something special about these people.

I had an RLE groupmate. Her name is Keziah Amorado. She shared to me the gospel using a bracelet with 5 color beads: Yellow, black, red, white, and green. All about salvation. The bookmark below was given to me by Princess Gonzales.

  • Yellow/ Gold – John 14:6
  • Black – Romans 3:23
  • Red – John 3:16
  • White – Genesis 1:31
  • Green – 2 Corinthians 5:17
A page from my Art Appreciation Journal in Nursing School (July 3, 2010)

Then, I still don’t have a church yet. Until, I was invited to attend a Keep Falling In Love Valentine’s special event at New Beginning Community Church in Mandaluyong last February 2011, where I met Pastor Niki Miranda and his wife Tita Flor Miranda, Pastor Lowi Tepase who was still a youth pastor that time. I met ate Feona, ate Hadassah, Kuya Sam, Kuya Eds, ate Weng and the other youths, and ate Jenny who discipled me. Until I attended Grace Encounter and until I was baptized in a youth camp and at church, and attended the Freedom and the Philippines Glow of Love #4 (PGL), spearheaded by the International Grace Ministry from Irvine, California. Their Senior Pastor is a Korean Medical Doctor, Pastor James Shin.

I have no regrets of the decisions I made in the past. I’m thankful of my spiritual journey. I’m far from perfection. I still make mistakes but I believe my faith is growing little by little. I still want to be a disciple maker too. Praying and hoping.

I don’t know how significant my story is. ๐Ÿ˜… Praying that God will help me tell my story. That’s it for now. ๐Ÿ™

This story is not yet finished… to be continued. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you.

#TheSW30 Day 23: Talk about a moment when you got annoyed with a married friend, a person in a relationship, or a person with kids.

If I were to relieve a moment in the past when I got annoyed from a person with kids was whenever I go to a school reunion or gatherings with relatives. I have not been annoyed. I was just uncomfortable. Especially when my aunties or some of my friends who are already married and already have kids, would ask if I already have a boyfriend. Obviously, I have none. Haha! They would ask me if what’s the reason why I don’t have a boyfriend, when I am at the marrying age already. Then, I would say that I am just focusing first with my career and my schooling, and that I still have not met Mr. Right. In that manner, he still has not revealed himself yet and I am still waiting.

They would as if want to tell me out of concern, to not be so choosy because I might become an old maid. Hehe.

#TheSW30 Day 22: What fictional character in a movie, tv show, or book do you identify with and why?

The fictional movie/ book character that I identify with is Katniss Everdeen of the Hunger Games book. It is a series of young adult dystopian novels written by American novelist Suzanne Collins. Katniss is the eldest and she would do anything for her sister Primrose. I love how she volunteered in replacement of her sister Prim during the reaping of the Hunger Games at district 12. I love how she loves her sister. I love Katniss’s character too. The girl on fire. She is strong, resourceful, smart and beautiful, willing to sacrifice for her loved ones. Although, I am not that good with archery. My classmate, Charles asked me to try archery one time when I was in High School. I only tried it once or twice.

In the same way, I love my brother and sister too. I would do anything for them. Though at times, they may irritate me because they don’t obey immediately, but despite that they inspire me too. My brother is thoughtful and loving, and my sister is talented, sweet and caring. I believe that the both of them have a bright future ahead. I am two years older than my brother and my sister and I are ten years apart with regards to age.

Moreover, I have given up my med school because I would like to support my sister instead. Though a part of me still wants to study med, but I was not so sure if that is what I wanted to do if ever I graduate. I left also because I might had wrong motivations while I was still in med school. All the drive that I had was lost and I was sad most of the time during those two years that I studied medicine, probably because I was sick during those times too. I had mental health issues and concerns. It would not be practical for me to pursue med anymore, and it’s particularly selfish on my part if all I wanted was to study it and not practice it. My family also had a tight budget. We are not well off, but to send all of us six: three of my stepfather’s children, and Pao, Me and Kim to medschool is too burdensome.

My sister wants to become a doctor someday and since I wasn’t 100% sure about being a medical doctor, I came back to nursing. I love nursing. Also, nursing is something that I could not let go of. All for my siblings and for me too. Since I still have no family and children of my own yet, I would be glad to support my parents with my sister’s education. While I am waiting.

#TheSW30 Day 21: How would you pitch a reality show about yourself? To what network?

If I were to pitch a reality show about myself, I would like my proposed content to be on:

“Surviving a heartbreak in 30 days” ideally, which is quite difficult to do, but it’s a challenge that’s why I chose 30 days; or something about “how to move on from love obsession” or probably something about improving one self and on how to do a self make over, how to regain self esteem and self confidence and on how to be beautiful and smart, “from doormat to dream girl challenge” hehe. I wish I am a dream girl to someone somewhere.

Or something about “how to survive underdog days of nursing” from a nurse who always got reprimanded and who always makes an incident report. hehehe.

I would like it to be aired at ABS-CBN’s Maalaala mo kaya or GMA channel 7’s Kapuso mo Jessica Soho. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜œ

#TheSW30 Day 20: Describe your most difficult breakup and what you learned from it

Every breakup that I had was painful, because I felt like I invested myself, my time and my resources. But I have learnings every after I had a break up.

My most difficult breakup was with my last boyfriend in college.

We broke up February of year 2011, while we were sitting on a park. I can not remember everything he told me, but I know that I got hurt.

Although it was painful because we were about to have our 2nd year anniversary on that year, I was glad that we broke up peacefully. We said our goodbyes nicely with a conversation while sitting on a bench in a park beside Greenbelt, Makati.

I did not cry when he broke up with me. But when he left me sitting in the park, my tears started to fall. I stayed on the bench for a few minutes more, then I started walking towards Greenbelt. My tears were falling from my eyes to my cheeks.

I went to Wendy’s and bought myself a macaroni salad and an ice cream to ease what I feel. Then, I called my Papa Tito in Bicol. I told him that my boy friend broke up with me. He consoled me. I was glad that I had that conversation with my papa.

What I learned from my break up was, I might not have satisfied the needs of my ex boyfriend. Maybe, I have not given him enough time? Since I was busy with my academics and co curricular activities, I was running for honors and it was more important for me. I know we had differences too. I accepted it later on that there’s just things that cannot be.

I also told my mom about my break up and she comforted me too, even when she was in Mindoro. I’ve learned that I am loved by my family and that I am valuable and still precious.

Even then, I am thankful for the time I spent with him. I learned also a lot from him. He treated me nicely and fed me and gave me flowers and gifts. He was the longest relationship among all the ex boyfriends that I had. I still had a great time.

#TheSW30 Day 19: What is something about you that people would be surprised to learn?

Most of my friends know that I have always been an achiever at school. I have a sanguine personality before, but I felt like I changed or maybe I still have that a little sanguine in me, but not much. I feel like I am more of an introvert now, and quite reserved but when it comes to performing songs or anything on stage, I can be confident.

I can express myself more in writing than speaking. I have always thought of myself to be competitive, but actually I hate competition. You know the saying, “you don’t like it, but you still do it”? I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. (Romans 7:15) That’s how I felt. But, I love challenges. I like it when my mind is challenged to think.

It has always been my dream to work abroad and to leave the country, that’s why I chose nursing. Nursing was not my first choice but I learned to love it as time passed by. But when I became a Christian, even if life is difficult in the Philippines, I want to settle in my country someday.

I don’t enjoy too much attention from people. But I can stand in the spotlight or on stage if needed. I am not afraid of public speaking.

I am most of the time serious in life.

I don’t have a lot of friends. I like to be complimented sometimes, genuine compliments. I don’t like to be reprimanded in front of other people.

I hate it when people use cursing or bad words against me or to people that I love and care for. I hate to be compared to others, when I have my own strengths.

When a person breaks my trust, it is difficult to be restored again.

I’m not a good cook. But when I cooked for you, you can be very special.

I can be very loyal to someone, a product or a company once my trust is gained.

When I am angry, I can be very physical. Haha.

When it comes to pets, I never had a pet. I am afraid of dogs especially those that bark and run towards me.

#TheSW30 Day 18: If you could have a conversation with yourself in high school, what would you say?

If I can have a conversation with myself in high school, I would tell her this:

Dear young Jaenara,

(Jaenara is the name my classmates and teachers call me in high school)

I know how hard life for you is during your high school years. You were the eldest among your siblings and your parents got separated. You felt the burden of being the eldest. I know that you got disappointed too of not being able to take your entrance exam for Philippine Science High School (your dream school) because your family was struggling financially. I know that you have prepared for it. You studied for it during your summer enhancement classes after you graduated grade school with an engineer tutor. But, I know that you know during those times, you can’t afford to study in Manila because of financial reasons.

There were unanswered prayers. I know how lonely you were because your mom was not living with you during your high school years in Bicol. But, I know even when your mom was afar; she was working for you and your siblings, since she was the breadwinner in the family. She loves you so much as much as she loves your siblings. I know that you felt saddened also that your father is always drunk during those times. Though, your papa had vices, he was always there to support and encourage you. I know that you love your parents no matter how imperfect they were because of their weaknesses. Although they were imperfect, they were the perfect parents for you. They have their strengths too which added to how you grew and was raised.

On your first day of high school, you were not the girl who gets the most attention. But, I am proud of you because you were open to be friends with your other classmates too, who were achievers (honor students, athletes) in their previous grade schools. You did not let it hinder you to do your best to achieve your goal to be first honor.

I know how hard you worked for it. You studied and read your books instead of watching TV, you made your assignments with out delay. You slept late reading and there were times that you slept on your study table at night. You even rose early because you need to commute from your home in Baao to Iriga City.

I am so proud of you that you did not let all your problems and challenges consume you. Instead you rose up to face them all. You even balanced your extra curricular activities and your academics. How were you able to do that?

Although, I know also that you were also a teenager that time, you also had crushes. Your crushes were not attracted to you because you were a nerd. hahaha. But it’s okay. They were not Mr. Right. I am glad that you did not let your other friends pressure you in delinquency and vices.

You were just a silent girl who was always sitting in the front row. You were not a wall flower because you were a confident competitive student but you were a late bloomer.

I am so proud of you that you graduated Valedictorian. It was one of your best achievement so far. Other than being a Valedictorian, you were also an Editor in Chief of your school publication, and recipient of so many awards and recognition.

Jaenara, God is so good in your younger years! He enabled you to accomplish all those things. God is so faithful and gracious to you. You are a blessed and beloved child of God.

I am glad that you did not give up despite the challenges that you faced. I love you! No matter what challenges that I may face in the coming days. I will always look back to how God provided for you as a scholar in high school and how He was faithful to you that He is indeed a rewarder of people who are patient and who perseveres despite trials in life.

With love and care,

Ma. Jaenara M. Bitao (29 years old)

Ma. Jaenara M. Bitao, High School Valedictorian 2007 with her Papa Tito Bitao
These were some of my awards back in highschool. I am the girl at the bottom center part. Praise God! ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿ’Ÿ๐Ÿ’๐ŸŽ“