Memo: Recharge

As an introvert, you can notice me quite aloof to people. I don’t feel comfortable with a lot of people interactions, unlike when I was a little younger. I just changed.

If you see me performing dance or sing songs, it’s my way of releasing tension from my body and expressing my feelings. But then again, I’m still learning how to interact with people.

I’ve been hurt a countless times already, that’s why I’ve been guarding my heart for the longest time. If I interact with people, it drains the energy out of me. So, I needed time to recharge and give love to myself by quiet times and doing the things that I love with my artistic side. Though, I’m not claiming to be that good artist. I just try to do art, like sing, dance, write, and paint.

On a side note, sometimes, I wonder if am I really for nursing.

Ilang beses na akong umiyak dahil sa Nursing. Haha! Various emotions and feelings.


I have a cloud in my mind that says, ” Sa gusto ko laging mag short cut, mas napapatagal pa tuloy yung maacomplish yung gusto kong gawin. Sobrang masunurin ko, to the fact na paano naman yung gusto kong gawin? Like can I even decide on my own na gawin ko naman yung gusto ko, without the influence of those around me?”

For the longest time, I just want to do things that I want.

What do you want, Jaea? Recharge! 🙂

How to Resign at St. Luke’s part 2

Update:

I have already let the employee health clinic sign my clearance, and I’ve already submitted my medical records at the Medical Records Management office, which is located at 5 West Oncology unit.

Then, I have already let the LEAD or the Learning Education and Development Department sign my paper.

I have also let the accounting department sign (both property and general) but my clearance is still in the payroll. They asked me to call back on Wednesday next week, or they will update me as soon as they have already managed what’s left of me to pay or something about payroll.

So, right now.. I am still waiting. Guys, I have still not finished cleaning my small room.

So I guess that’s what I need to do now, while waiting for St. Luke’s. Sayang, St. Lukes Medical Center is really a nice hospital, it’s world class. But, they just let go of me easily. Hahaha. I also like that every employee in the hospital has a g-suite account in gmail.

It is one of the things that I really like in St. Luke’s, my email address, which was already deleted by the management.

Also, they still gave me sweldo the last month.. although I did not receive an email. So, still thankful.

Neuro Consultation

My doctor told me the last time I consulted him, na mas maganda daw na i-push through ko na lang career ko with nursing, than pursue medicine.

Why? It’s because his wife is a nurse too and after 8-12 hour shift, her responsibility with her patients end already.

But, with his case as a doctor, he told me that even if at home, his responsibility still doesn’t end after his duty with his patients.

He told me, na mas maganda daw na mag-abroad na lang ako, mas malaki daw kikitain ko abroad than here.

Pero takot ako mag-abroad mag-isa. Haven’t told him that.

He increased my dose to 200 mg of the medication that I am taking for just two weeks.

Whenever, I take that.. I easily fall asleep.

There was a time before, I was not visited by my period for a year.

But when I don’t take it, I cannot sleep at night.

Sometimes not taking it, makes me feel angry.

I had irregular menstruation. Sometimes, it doesn’t come.

I even told him, na I wanted to go back sana to medschool.

But, he gave me just 1 year na masusurvive ko yun.

He said, problems are everywhere, and in anywhere I go.

He said that I just, don’t need to react with everything the people around me does.

Tissue Paper

You know, I cried yesterday when the department manager of the Perioperative Department (acting officer in charge) talked to me together with my manager while the Associate Director for the Patient Care Services was on leave.

They reprimanded me because I was already more than 11 days absent, and those were unauthorized. My last day of work was November 2, 2020, night shift at the neuro critical care unit.

The topics discussed were about my absences and the notice to explain that I need to do if the paper is already received by the Employee Labor Relations Department. Until now, I am still waiting for their call.

Until now, I am still waiting for my PRC license to come too. It’s already long overdue.

You know what I discovered about myself: I am afraid of responsibility and commitment. But what they told me, “Hindi na daw ako bata.. so I should decide what I want, and the patient is my responsibility when on duty. How can they assure my commitment to them, if I am afraid to commit.”

What I told them, “I would like to finish my contract”, but since I was more than 11 days absent at work already. It is already grounds for termination.

So, please pray for me. Lord, have mercy.

One good thing I like about the room I entered was the painting on the wall of the associate director’s office. It was tainted green, white and with shades of brown. It was an image of trees and bamboo and a body of water, some sort of river. But the river was not tainted blue. It was white in color. Still blessed to have that talk with Maam Manahan and Maam Cunanan – Flores.

My mama said, I should send my resignation letter immediately before they tell me to resign at work to save my name.

Still, I am grateful of the tissue paper they offered me. Though my eye makeup was smudged, because I did not have a handkerchief with me.

I don’t know how they are going to decide about my case. Still thankful.

Be careful and stay safe

Pardon the bloody photo. I got wounded awhile ago while biking, it was raining.
(Sumemplang. Ang sakit guysh. )

Be careful when the road is wet, it’s slippery. Note to self: Take extra precautions especially when it’s raining. Delikado.
I realized that this is more painful than having a broken heart. hahahaha. But I don’t have to worry because this will heal soon, but it will leave a scar. Thus, I am no longer flawless. Peklaaat. 😂
But this is God’s word for me today. ❤️🙏🤗 Thank you Lord. I believe You are my Healer.
I am in Chair #3 now at ER extension, awaiting my Xray results. I was given pain reliever and Tetanus toxoid at my left deltoid. I’m thankful to my nurse Ma’am Bless who did my wound care, she has light hands. (I wish I had light hands too. Hehe) and for Ma’am Bing who assisted me and pushed my wheelchair to the Xray department. 🤗 Thank you to all the ER staff including ma’am Rachelle and doc Karl. Buti may helmet daw ako, very good daw ako sabi ni doc Karl. Haha. 👍

Kasi Hindi Ako Ganun Kaganda

“Ang presyo ng isang painting ay nakadepende sa kung sino ang gumawa nito. Kung mahusay ang gumawa, mataas ang presyo. Kung painting ka, alam mo ba kung gaano ka kamahal? Buhay lang naman ang ibinayad para sa iyo ni Jesus dahil sa sobrang taas ng value mo. “-Rigel

I am so blessed after reading this post. It made me realize that I am beautiful too. Just like how beautifully you were created. Jesus Christ loves all of us. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Although, sometimes, I feel insecure.. actually hindi lang some times, most of the time.. feeling ko marami pang kulang sakin at hindi ako ganun kaganda kasi, hindi ako nagugustuhan ng mga guys na nagugustuhan ko. Ano kaya ang problema? Ako ba? Haha. So, ayun, hindi ko sure. Pero masaya pa rin ako kahit ganun. Marami akong realizations sa buhay. Hindi ko makocontrol kung sino yung mga gusto ako bilang kaibigan at kung sino yung mga may hinanakit sakin. Kasi, hindi naman ako si God. I am just an ordinary person. I am striving real hard but my feet are in the ground. Alam ko na malalampasan ko lahat ng pagsubok as I grow into a more mature woman, with the help of God, who gives wisdom and knowledge. Thank you Lord.

A Blog To Remember

Madalas tayong mga babae, hindi natin maiwasang magkumpara ang sarili natin sa iba. Bakit ba iniisip nating masmaganda ang unat kesa sa kulot? Pero nagpakulot na naman ang mga straight? Bakit gusto pang pumayat pa more eh payat na nga. Kahit na magapply ka pa ng smokey na eyeshadows, hindi mo kailanman maitatago sa mata ang mga sagot ng mga bakit. At ang karaniwang sagot, “Kasi hindi ako ganon kaganda”.

Mayroong isang kabataan, “Ate naiingit ako sa kaniya. Halos lahat ng crush niya, nililigawan siya. Bakit ako? Ni isa, wala? Bakit hindi ba ako ganoon kaganda?”

Minsan kahit sa loob ng pamilya. “Mas pinapaburan siya Ate kasi masmaganda siya. Lagi siyang dinadala sa opisina ni Papa. Ako hanggang gate lang. Kasi maganda siya. Siya, laging may pasalubong. Bakit ate? Kasi hindi ako ganun kaganda? ”

“Binigay ko sa kaniya lahat. Pati katawan ko. Hindi kasi siya kuntento sa puso ko…

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Wondering what happened in 2016

I noticed my archives had no entry for 2016. What have I done during that year… Hmm..

Basta ang alam ko, nag-medschool ako ng 2014, then took a leave of absence before the year ended.. consulted a Neurologist/Psychiatrist. Then, I enrolled for a painting class with Teacher Myra Asturias by 1st quarter of 2015.

Tapos, hindi ko na talaga maalala ng malinaw yung mga ganap sa buhay ko sa taon na to. hahaha. #laterpost

You’ve made me stronger

 

Is it hard to believe I’m okay

After all, it’s been a while since you walked away

I’m way past crying over your finding someone new

You turned my days into night

But now I see the light

And this may be a big surprise to you

(But/’Cause) you’ve made me stronger by breaking my heart

You ended my life and made a better one start

You’ve taught me everything from fallin’ in love

To letting go of a lie Yes, you’ve made me stronger, baby, by saying goodbye

If you’d rather believe I’m not over you

Go ahead-there’s nothing wrong with making believe

I know ’cause I used to pretend you’d come back to me

But time has been such a friend Brought me to my senses again

And I have you to thank for setting me free

(But/’Cause) you’ve made me stronger by breaking my heart

You ended my life and made a better one start

You’ve taught me everything from fallin’ in love To letting go of a lie

Yes, you’ve made me stronger, baby, by saying goodbye

Think again Don’t feel so sorry for me, my friend

Oh, don’t you know I’m not the one at the losing end.

(But/’Cause) you’ve made me stronger by breaking my heart

You ended my life and made a better one start

You’ve taught me everything from fallin’ in love

To letting go of a lie Yes, you’ve made me stronger, baby, by saying goodbye

(But/’Cause) you’ve made me stronger by breaking my heart

You ended my life and made a better one start

You’ve taught me everything from fallin’ in love To letting go of a lie

Yes, you’ve made me stronger, baby, by saying goodbye

You made stronger by saying Goodbye…

 

Lyrics for You’ve Made Me Stronger by Nikki Gil from Musixmatch

Let no man define you

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If you have to chase him, here’s the cold, hard truth: He doesn’t want to be caught. So get along with your life. Read books. Write a book. Empower yourself. Enroll to classes that you’ve been wanting to learn all along. It’s time to tap your creativity. Do some crafts. Write a song? Or study a second language. Do your best at work. Enjoy your life. Live! Let no man define you. Define yourself.
Good morning!