Dear Wazowski

After I confided what’s on my mind with you, you blocked me. Am I that nuisance? Or do I annoy you?

You are not the first one who did this, but I still felt hurt.

I know I am not the best nurse, but every single day I am doing the best that I can to survive my duties, even when I commit mistakes.

I just wanted to be your friend too.

Why men suddenly disappear?

I am not scared of you.

Dear songbearer

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JPIA IDOL at UE (December 6, 2012)

Hi! How are you? For sure, you will not be able to see this post that I made, unless you click this new site. I haven’t heard from you for a long time now, since I ran away and you left.

I miss the way you said “heart check” to me, the first time you taught me lessons for the music team. I miss how you constantly reminded me to guard my heart, which then I fell short of doing.

I miss listening to your words, your discreet laughter, your warmth which faded in decrescendo from the distance that you required from me.

Above all, I miss singing with you, eating with you, walking and sitting beside you, laughing and sharing my inmost thoughts with you my songbearer. I wish you sing on my wedding day, if ever I will get married. haha. 🎵

But I know, whatever the reason for this separation that you and I had, which brought me loneliness; maybe for some good reason, it is according to God’s plan. This pruning, this hurting that left me crying for some season in the past because of no settled ending is something that I need to let go of.

I can see you happy and so alive from afar. And that makes me smile. I realized that I can not hold you back from the desires that you want, from the destiny that the Lord calls you to accomplish. And with that, it’s inappropriate for me to keep on asking God why. Because I can see the positivity that happened to your life. You have new friends now, new work, new home to sleep in Manila. Even though, you never told me your new address, it’s just fine. Even though, you are not replying with the messages that I sent you…you’re still in my heart. I miss you. But just like how the sun sets and rises after the night has passed, I still have my hopes up. I’ll definitely see the sun again tomorrow. I wish you well.

Mahal kong kaibigan

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Nabighani mo ako sayong kagandahan.
Nabiyayaan ka. Gusto ka ng mga magulang niya.
Gusto mo siya. At malamang sa malamang gusto ka na rin niya.
In denial lang siya. Baka hindi mo alam.

Hindi ka nagsasalita masyado. Mapili ka sa mga kaibigan.
Maraming nagmamahal sayo. Kahit na hindi ka naging honor student.
Mahinhin ka. Marunong mag-bake. May green thumb.
Lahat ng itinatanim mong bulaklak, lumalago.

Kahit na hindi ka ganun katangkad. Marunong kang magtimpi sa mga saloobin. Lagi kang nag-jojournal. Nagdadasal.
Laking simbahan ka. Mahal ka ng mga kamag-anak niya.

Hindi ko na sana sinabi ang saloobin ko sa Prinsipe. Eh di sana, pinapansin mo pa rin ako. Magkaibigan pa sana tayo. Tandaan mo na, minsan sa buhay nating dalawa. Tayo ay nagkasama. Tinuruan mo pa nga ako ng tennis. Diba?

Hindi ako nakikipagtunggali sa kakayahan mo, dahil alam kong sa simula pa lamang, talo na agad ako sa pag-asam ng kung anong kagandahan meron ka. Inalagaan mo ang iyong puri. At alam kong, hinihintay mo siya. Sa kanyang paguwi.

Alam ko na gusto mo siya o baka mas higit pa doon ang nararamdaman mo. Mahal mo na ba siya? Sasabihin ko sayo, na malamang ay gusto ka na rin niya. Mis kita mahal kong kaibigan. Wag mo sana akong kalimutan, na minsan tayo ay naging tunay na magkaibigan.

  • Mangarap (Jaenara Bitao)

What cannot be said, will be wept

What cannot be said will be wept. – sappho

Hi. For so long you’ve been quiet. I don’t know what goes in your mind right now, but honestly, you sometimes slip in my mind and I don’t know what to do. Because as what you’ve said, distance is healthier for the both of us.

But please do remember, I’m never forcing myself to you. if you want distance, then I’ll gladly give it to you.

But I cannot lie that I’ve not been missing you. The truth is I do.

What kind of fate, this life has brought to us. It ended with no warning, and I felt like my world had been flipped upside down, but I learned from someone, that when this happens, something greater is at work. I don’t know the reason, but He knows.

It’s farewell for now, until we meet again.

Yours,
Jaea