Oceans

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

[3x]
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine

I was crying because…

Come to think of it, why was I crying all this time?

Maybe because, I was so emotionally attached to the point of when God took it away, I was shattered.

I’ve expected that he would have the same feelings for me.

I never expected that it would end so soon. I wasn’t ready for it.

I assumed that a lot are opposing of the two of us being together. Haha.

All the more, because it was my fault. I started it all. I was sick.

I miss ate so much as well. I was so sick.

I used God’s name in vain. Now this is an unconfessed sin.

I provoked someone (him) to sin as well.

My pride is too high. Skyreaching. Humble yourself Jaea. I beg you.

I’m so confused. But I’m still in awe.

Don’t bring this up again. okay? Jesus already paid for your sins.

You are loved more than you know.

I feel pretty/unpretty

“I Feel Pretty / Unpretty”

I wish I could tie you up in my shoes
Make you feel unpretty too
I was told I was beautiful
But what does that mean to you
Look into the mirror who’s inside there
The one with the long hair
Same old me again today
My outsides are cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I’m through
It’s because of you
I’ve tried different ways
But it’s all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
I’m just trippin’
You can buy your hair if it won’t grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up that M.A.C. can make
But if you can’t look inside you
Find out who am I to
Be in a position to make me feel so damn unprettyI feel pretty
Oh so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and brightNever insecure until I met you
Now I’m being stupid
I used to be so cute to me
Just a little bit skinny
Why do I look to all these things
To keep you happy
Maybe get rid of you
And then I’ll get back to me (hey)

My outsides look cool
My insides are blue
Everytime I think I’m through
It’s because of you
I’ve tried different ways
But it’s all the same
At the end of the day
I have myself to blame
Keep on trippin’

You can buy your hair if it won’t grow
You can fix your nose if he says so
You can buy all the make-up that M.A.C. can make
But if you can’t look inside you
Find out who am I to
Be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty

I feel pretty
Oh so pretty
I feel pretty and witty and bright
And I pity
Any girl who isn’t me tonight

Oh oh oh oh oh (Tonight)
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh (Tonight)
Oh oh oh oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh (Tonight)
Oh oh oh oh oh

I feel pretty (You can buy your hair if it won’t grow)
Oh so pretty (You can fix your nose if he says so)
I feel pretty and witty and bright (You can buy all the make-up that M.A.C. can make)
But if you can’t look inside you
Find out who am I to
Be in a position to make me feel so damn unpretty

I feel pretty
But unpretty

Wicked; Defying gravity

GLINDA
(spoken) Elphaba – why couldn’t you have just stayed calm for once, instead of flying off the handle!
(sung) I hope you’re happy!
I hope you’re happy now
I hope you’re happy how you
Hurt your cause forever
I hope you think you’re clever!

ELPHABA
I hope you’re happy
I hope you’re happy, too
I hope you’re proud how you
Would grovel in submission
To feed your own ambition

BOTH
So though I can’t imagine how
I hope you’re happy right now

GLINDA
(spoken) Elphie, listen to me. Just say you’re sorry:
(sung) You can still be with the Wizard
What you’ve worked and waited for
You can have all you ever wanted

ELPHABA
(spoken) I know:
(sung) But I don’t want it –
No – I can’t want it
Anymore
Something has changed within me
Something is not the same
I’m through with playing by the rules
Of someone else’s game
Too late for second-guessing
Too late to go back to sleep
It’s time to trust my instincts
Close my eyes and leap!

It’s time to try
Defying gravity
I think I’ll try
Defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down!

GLINDA
Can’t I make you understand?
You’re having delusions of grandeur

ELPHABA
I’m through accepting limits
’cause someone says they’re so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I’ll never know!
Too long I’ve been afraid of
Losing love I guess I’ve lost
Well, if that’s love
It comes at much too high a cost!
I’d sooner fly
Defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye
I’m defying gravity
And you can’t pull me down:
(spoken) Glinda, come with me. Think of what we could
do, together.
(sung) Unlimited
Together we’re unlimited
Together we’ll be the greatest team
There’s ever been
Glinda –
Dreams, the way we planned ’em

GLINDA
If we work in tandem
BOTH
There’s no fight we cannot win
Just you and I
Defying gravity
With you and I
Defying gravity

ELPHABA
They’ll never bring us down!
(spoken) Well? Are you coming?
GLINDA
I hope you’re happy
Now that you’re choosing this
ELPHABA
(Spoken) You too
(Sung) I hope it brings you bliss
GLINDA
I really hope you get it
And you don’t live to regret it
BOTH
I hope you’re happy in the end
I hope you’re happy, my friend
ELPHABA
So if you care to find me
Look to the western sky!
As someone told me lately:
“Ev’ryone deserves the chance to fly!”
And if I’m flying solo
At least I’m flying free
To those who’d ground me
Take a message back from me
Tell them how I am
Defying gravity
I’m flying high
Defying gravity
And soon I’ll match them in renown!
And nobody in all of Oz
No Wizard that there is or was
Is ever gonna bring me down!
GLINDA
I hope you’re happy!
CITIZENS OF OZ
Look at her, she’s wicked!
Get her!
ELPHABA
Bring me down!
CITIZENS OF OZ
No one mourns the wicked
So we’ve got to bring her
ELPHABA
Ahhh!
CITIZENS OF OZ
Down!

Read more: Wicked – Defying Gravity Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Crying won’t solve anything

Crying won’t solve anything, damage done.

Will it restore what was broken? No.

Will it fix the problem? No.

Will it help me? No. My immune system will just be compromised. Magkakasakit lang ako.

Will it bring back the past? No.

No. No. No. No. Nooooooooooooo.
Will it… okay, miss ko lang siya. Miss na miss. 😦

Sige na Jaea, just study hard.
No matter what the cost. Give it all you got! Don’t hold back.
No matter what is waiting for me in the future, I know God is already there. So.. I just need to do my part today. By being present in my present and by not dwelling in my missed past.
Kaya mo yan! Ano baaa! Don’t lose hope. It’s okay to cry.. pero wag naman lagi at wag naman gabi gabi, okay? Haha. Kaya mo yan!

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

Anesthetized

I never knew that I’d be carrying this pain until now.

My heart cries.

I never knew I’d be feeling this.

My heart screams.

LORD, HELP! Have mercy on me.

Forgive me for desiring something that’s not even mine to begin with.

I lift this heavy heart to You! I can’t carry it anymore. Help me carry… please?

Tanong ko lang pala, bakit di nauubos luha ko? Nakakapagod na pong umiyak. Haha.

Anesthetize me please. LORD, ikaw pa rin. Forgive me. You’re my healer and nobody else can heal me, but You.

Give me a daily dose of morphine. Give me a daily dose of Your love.

Despite the odds. Thank you Jesus!

Best Thing I Never Had

Best Thing I Never Had
I just learned this song today. Some of the lyrics above does not apply to me. Actually, wala naman nangyari samin. Physically and literally. It was just a conversation in fb. He doesn’t love me the same way. I was delusional of expecting, that there is something between the both of us. But there’s none. Actually, there was never an us. Now this is reality check. (heartbreaking. yes) But this is what I feel right now. It’s time now to improve myself. And I’ll make that decision right now. I will not let it get the best out of me. I’ve been having too many failures in the past. I turned worst because of me. No one else to blame but myself. I have been underestimated. Yes, I’ve been depressed for almost a year and even in my 1st sem life in med school. My grades were flunking. I wasted so many time because of sulking.. And it’s time now to stop thinking of the what ifs and what could have been. I pray for peace of mind. HUG! I forgive you Jaea. Keep moving on. It’s difficult but I know, we can do this! 🙂

Burning ship

My heart feels heavy, seems like an elephant is sitting on it. Painfully pruned. I know I’m in the process of recovery…

I never knew I could do it. But I’ve deleted my copy of it. Finally.

Just like what the pastor said awhile ago “It’s time to not turn back anymore”.

It’s all or nothing. Burn the ships. No fall back position!

Succeed or die!

By continuously living according to the flesh, my fate is death. Set apart.

The Blessed Unrest

Brave

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody’s lack of love
Or you can start speaking up

Nothing’s gonna hurt you the way that words do
When they settle ‘neath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody’s been there,
Everybody’s been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing,
Bow down to the mighty
Don’t run, just stop holding your tongue

Maybe there’s a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence
Won’t do you any good,
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don’t you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I wanna see you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
See you be brave

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you
I just wanna see you

#Blessed unrest

God is faithful

I just want to document this.

Even though, He seems distant to me, He still answers my prayers.

When, I saw an unexpected person last weekend and when I was tagged at a post. He gives chances. He does.

I was given the chance to say something, I was given the chance to talk and smile when I had a face to face moment with someone last weekend. But I didn’t do anything. Maybe just maybe, it’s not yet the right time to talk.

Time and chance happen to us all.

LORD, thank you! And sorry. When will I ever be ready?

I need courage to face it all. Help me forgive even though, I never received a sorry. I just want this heavy heart of mine to be light. But most of all, give me faith. Because, I’m really losing it. I’m on the edge of a cliff.

Thank You LORD for your faithfulness.