How are you sure that it is love?

I remembered someone asked me many many years ago,

How are you sure if what you really feel is love?

I told the person,

Love is a choice. Do you agree?


We can love so many people, and things.

But the problem is,

Are they ready to give in return what you have given them?

Unselfish love, is not asking for anything in return.

Maybe that’s the reason why we feel hurt.

It’s because we expect too much.

We love selfishly.

But, I still believe in love.

God is love.

It’s amazing how God can redeem people out of pits.

I still believe in love.

I still believe.

I don’t wanna wait

Aicelle Santos – I Don’t Wanna Wait

So open up your morning light,
And say a little prayer for right
You know that if we are to stay alive
Then see the peace in every eye…
doo doo doo doo do doo do do
do doo doo doo doo dooo doo ooh
She had two babies, one was six months,
one was three In the war of ’44…
Every telephone ring, every heartbeat stinging
When she thought it was God calling her
Oh, would her son grow to know his father?
I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over,
I want to know right now, what will it be?
I don’t want to wait for our lives to be over,
Will it be yes or will it be…sorry?
doo doo oooh doo ooh do do ooh
He showed up all wet on the rainy front step
Wearing shrapnel in his skin
And the war he saw lives inside him still,
It’s so hard to be gentle and warm
The years pass by and now he has granddaughters
You look at me from across the room
You’re wearing your anguish again
Believe me I know the feeling
It sucks you into the jaws of anger(oooooooh)
So breathe a little more deeply my love
All we have is this very moment
And I don’t want to do what his father,
And his father, and his father did,
I want to be here now
So open up your morning light,
And say a little prayer for right
You know that if we are to stay alive,
And see the peace in every eye…
doo doo doo dooo oooh
do dooo doo doo doo doo dooo
do doooo oooh doo doo doo do dooo do do
So open up your morning light,
And say a little prayer for right
You know that if we are to stay alive
Then see the love in every eye…
I love how the artist named Aicelle sang this song. Her voice is raspy and very warm to hear. It’s not so diva like voice. I realized that it’s possible to sing a song without shouting or hitting the very high notes to shiver some timbers. Her voice hits the low notes but still hits the other notes correctly. I’m not sure on what key the song was played but I like it. I wanna perform this song someday too. I will study this. 🙂 I want to watch her sing in person someday.. I’m already a fan. This song inspired me this week by the way, despite my struggles.. because adulting is hard. Sooo hard.
Can I just go back to the time where I was just a kid? Where my problems are just to eat on time, do my assignments and sleep early so I can rise up early, and where the things I play are just paper and barbie dolls, pico, chinese garter and luksong baka at tinik and other childish games..

Mahal kong kaibigan


Nabighani mo ako sayong kagandahan.
Nabiyayaan ka. Gusto ka ng mga magulang niya.
Gusto mo siya. At malamang sa malamang gusto ka na rin niya.
In denial lang siya. Baka hindi mo alam.

Hindi ka nagsasalita masyado. Mapili ka sa mga kaibigan.
Maraming nagmamahal sayo. Kahit na hindi ka naging honor student.
Mahinhin ka. Marunong mag-bake. May green thumb.
Lahat ng itinatanim mong bulaklak, lumalago.

Kahit na hindi ka ganun katangkad. Marunong kang magtimpi sa mga saloobin. Lagi kang nag-jojournal. Nagdadasal.
Laking simbahan ka. Mahal ka ng mga kamag-anak niya.

Hindi ko na sana sinabi ang saloobin ko sa Prinsipe. Eh di sana, pinapansin mo pa rin ako. Magkaibigan pa sana tayo. Tandaan mo na, minsan sa buhay nating dalawa. Tayo ay nagkasama. Tinuruan mo pa nga ako ng tennis. Diba?

Hindi ako nakikipagtunggali sa kakayahan mo, dahil alam kong sa simula pa lamang, talo na agad ako sa pag-asam ng kung anong kagandahan meron ka. Inalagaan mo ang iyong puri. At alam kong, hinihintay mo siya. Sa kanyang paguwi.

Alam ko na gusto mo siya o baka mas higit pa doon ang nararamdaman mo. Mahal mo na ba siya? Sasabihin ko sayo, na malamang ay gusto ka na rin niya. Mis kita mahal kong kaibigan. Wag mo sana akong kalimutan, na minsan tayo ay naging tunay na magkaibigan.

  • Mangarap (Jaenara Bitao)

If I see you next to never…

If I see you next to never….How can we say forever? What happened to our friendship? 😐 Right here waiting ang peg ko ngayon. Haay. I just want to say, I did not know bakit ang lakas ng tama ko sakanya… Anong pinakain non sakin? Waaah. I wanna get over na po please. I hope this ends today. Out of sight, out of mind. I’m confident of this. But even though hindi ko siya nakikita, flashbacks of him comes and goes in my mind. I can’t get over! Help! But I know I can. I can!! Struggling.

BUT I just miss him. Paano? I’m half crazy. Hooooow? I miss you!!! My goodness! Looks like you’ve totally forgotten about me. Ang sakit. If you just know, I miss you a lot. What could have happened if it did not happen? But I know everything happens for a reason. And everything will just fall into place. Everything will fall into place at the right time. Maybe just maybe, we’re not meant to be? Question mark because I’m not sure. I hope to have peace. Those sleepless nights… must come to an end. Because this just doesn’t do me any good. Am I having this depressed episodes because we didn’t have any closure to let each other breathe freely? But ofcourse I can breathe freely. We cannot force the lungs to not breathe, it’s an involuntary movement. And the control center is in the brain. But there is nothing for us to close, because there was never an us. Just one day, magigising na lang ako sa katotohanan… That there are things that can not be. Hindi pwedeng ipilit, ang hindi pwede. And just let it be. I know I can do this! This is just a challenge that I need to face and conquer. Yes I can do this! I need to keep myself busy. I need to keep myself busy to avoid thinking about him. So I need divine intervention here. I need help here please. Honestly. I have questions that need answers. But am I ready to know the answers?  If not, when will I be ready? Thanks. Above all, we haven’t talked for two years. Grabe! two years na ang lumipas..Magtatatlo na… I can’t believe we haven’t talked that long. May kirot sa puso ko. And I can’t believe this.. Grabe! I miss you!! Ayoko masanay ng ganito. What happened to us??? Why do you refrain from talking to me?? Why?? 😥

Boys only want love when it’s torture?

“Boys only want love if it’s torture, Don’t say I didn’t say I didn’t warn ya”
This is what I’ve got from Taylor Swift’s recent music video named blank space.

Hmmmn.. I don’t know if this is true or not, but in regards of the thought it brought me, it caught my curiosity.

I have experienced to be in a relationship before. To name it, I had four serious relationship. I’m not counting the last one. So, It’s four. Though the last one, was serious for me. I guess? Because I was so into that guy. But he doesn’t feel the same way for me? About that, I’m not sure. Actually, there was never an us. So, I can’t count that in.

So anyway, I failed many times already in this area of my life. But to be honest, I still don’t know? It’s a conundrum.

But as to what Taylor Swift said, she admits she come to understand that there’s a huge difference between stepping out with someone who’s emotionally secure, and one who’s not: ‘I was thinking about this – boys only want love if it’s torture and a constant chase. Men want love if it’s real, right, healthy and consistent. ” ‘Any girl who’s really thought a lot about romance and relationships and break-ups has determined that the male species has divided into two groups – and it’s boys and men. You can have a 40 year old boy and a 20 year old man – it depends on their emotional DNA.’ (

So, I think, boys want to feel chasing a girl? I don’t find it interesting. To be honest. I don’t like running. Can I just go swim? I don’t know how to make a man feel the chase. I’m actually not good at that. Also, I’m not good at being chased. It’s chaos for me. And I don’t even know how to torture guys. To be honest.

I just want to do the things that I love without being pressured of being in a relationship. I think this is the most healthy way that I can put this. I’ll just focus first on the things that I love and just wait, when the right guy comes along. I know God is not killjoy when it comes to relationships. I know He’s not. That’s how I put my faith now.

But right now, I just need to be in good shape. Eat healthy, have a healthy mind, exercise regularly and have my goals bullet-ed again. Have peace in my life. I’m not claiming to be perfect, but I know I can handle this crossroads that I’m facing right now.  I just need to be ME, with no pressures. 🙂

And to put this straight, I hope and pray that when the right time comes, I am not in a relationship with a boy but with a man. I hope I’ve learned from all the experiences that I had.

There is, however…

There is, however, another kind of love, a much darker and sadder kind of love.

It’s the love one feels when one loves someone he or she can never and will never have.

It’s the kind of love that doesn’t signal the beginning of something beautiful, but rather the end of something that might have been beautiful, but will never amount to anything more than what it is.


Sad sad sad.

But if it’s for the best, Thy will be done.

Beautiful things

All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all
All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground
Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust
You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

I like this song. I remembered someone from this song. LORD, I pray for her.
Actually, she’s one of the Christians that I really admire. She’s becoming more beautiful day by day. She posted this song one time.. I remembered.