How to displace anger?

I am so mad at so many things in life.

I am unemployed.

I am so mad. I am hungry.

My funds are almost depleted.

Tapos, gulong gulo na ako sa dapat gawin.

I am torn between nursing and medicine.

I want both.

Alam nio ba yung sakit ko nung highschool?

Sumasakit lagi yung toes ko sa paa.

Nawala na yun, tapos, bumabalik na naman siya ulit, kapag nasstress ako.

Sobrang galit ako.

I don’t want to be perfectionist anymore.

I just want to be stable at work.

My doctor told me, mataas daw IQ ko, but my EQ is…

Alam nio ba…

Yung pinakagusto ko kaya ako nagnursing?

I want to leave my country. I want to go to Canada.

Pero nag-iba yun, just before I graduated Nursing.

I wanted to become an ob-gynecologist.

Tapos, nag NMAT ako. waited for a year, dahil pina-una na muna sa David.

So, nag- Masteral ako with Hospital Administration,

It went well at first.. I was planning to finish it in one year (dapat)

I was a college scholar. But it did not push through the next semester.

I went to Macao and Hongkong last 2012.

A part of me, wishes na sana hindi na lang ako pumunta dun and instead.. nag-focus ako para tapusin yung masteral ko.

Ang daming nasayang sa oras ko. 2020 na ngayon. Tapos, yung kinikwento ko 2012 pa rin.

Pero, okay lang. Nag-enjoy naman ako sa free accommodation, airplane ticket and free food nung tour.

Hindi ko alam, kung ano ang dapat ko ikamadali. May hinahabol ba akong oras?

Sobrang dami ng nasayang sa oras ko. Galit na galit ako.

2012

2013

2014

2015

2016

2017

2018

2019

2020

Parang kahapon lang. Ang dami ko sinayang, pero ang pinaka kinafrufrustrate ko is yung time, na naagaw sakin.

Di ko malimutan yung sabi ni Dra. Mabunga, she was my professor back in UP, “doing nothing is also a choice”

Tama yung sinabi niya, and it haunts me. Ang dami ko na dapat nagawa.

I am so mad.

When my family asks me, ano ang gusto ko? Hirap na hirap ako sabihin..

Para bang umuurong yung dila ko, kapag sasabihin ko.

Yung dream ko, I want to be a mother with kids and a husband who can provide and will set a good example.

I want to pay my bills on time. I want a clean home. I want to eat.

I want to have my own flat or apartment.

Pero, hindi na ata yun mangyayari.

I am so frustrated. I guess with myself. Haha. Ang hirap ng mataas ang standard.

Nakakapagod na. But, Kaya ko to.