Adjustable

Today is Sunday. I am supposed to have my PM duty at NCCU. But guess what, I am absent again. Not proud.

Deep inside my heart, I don’t want to disobey the authorities. However, I feel like I just need to do this for my own peace of mind. I am so tired and I am so hurt. Although, I love the neuro subject and I want to learn how to take care of patients with Neuro cases.

What’s wrong with me?

So, I just finished eating the one cup rice grains that I cooked, one Argentina meat loaf and the Knorr chicken and corn soup with one white egg. I don’t feel any hunger anymore. Yay! Thank you. However, that’s already the last. I don’t have any excess stocks anymore.

The truth is, a part of me wants already to quit my job as a floater nurse. It’s so difficult. Every time I am being rotated to other units, I feel like I am always starting from zero, from scratch.

I call the department where I belong at as a “ghost unit”. It does not really exist. It does not belong anywhere. If you’ll visit the Nursing Care Group (NCG) Office of the hospital where I work at, you will traverse the stairs in order to reach the office. If you’ll look at the cabinet with a lot of shelves before you go up to NCG, all of the units are located there and labeled there. However, the unit that I belong to is not indicated there.

Someone told me from the Human Resource Department, that this “ghost unit” is existing for almost ten years already. They exist to fill in the gaps of the absences of the staff nurses from the units that the hospital has.

A part of me, wants to resign already from my work. However, finding a work at this crucial times is daunting. I don’t have a lot of savings. I have not even paid my electric bills, my internet, my water bills and I still don’t have my renewed license yet. Reason: I placed a wrong barangay at the courier, since my cellphone detected it to belong at the barangay that I placed, however, it does not really belong there.

I have been living at this apartment where I live at since 2012. I did not stay here for that long because I lived at Calapan from 2013 up to 2014 just before I took my medicine. Then, when I took a leave of absence from medschool of December 2014, I went back to Calapan until 2016 of February. Then after I finished my research consultancy work, I went back to Calapan again to work at a provincial hospital as an emergency room nurse and an out patient department room nurse. Then by year 2017, I went back to Manila to work at a hospital along Taft Avenue in their general nursing unit. After resigning at that hospital, I went back again to Calapan to work at a Children’s hospital for only one week experience, while I was waiting to be accepted as a neonatal intensive care unit nurse at another hospital along Taft Avenue.

I never finished a contract from all the hospitals I’ve worked at. In this recent hospital that I have been accepted, it is already one year and six months. I am so thankful that I reached this certain length of stay. I never thought I could do this.

I am still thinking though if I should still stay.

Here are the things that I plan to do:

  1. Write again at my dashboard account at A1essays.com
  2. Save money for the IELTS exam and apply for the exam before this year ends.
  3. Save money for the NMAT exam again. This will be my fourth time. Just taking my chances and maybe hopefully apply for scholarship.
  4. Save money and review for NCLEX.
  5. Paint again.